Your Child and Sports

I love sports.  Like most parents, I wanted my children to enjoy sports too.  Given our society’s focus on sports, I thought that it might be appropriate to share some lessons that Carol and I learned about having a godly family and being a sports family.  Some of our lessons were learned by making mistakes; some by observing the good example of others; some by our application of scripture; some by our failure to apply scripture.

Here are, in no particular order, some lessons that we learned:

1)      Allow your children to develop their own loves.  I loved basketball.  None of my boys did.  I never learned to swim very well until I took a PE course in college.  Each of my boys were great swimmers.  That could have been difficult if I had taken some hard line that my sons would enjoy what I enjoy.  Instead, I learned to subordinate my wish/dream to their interests (see Philippians 2:4).  And, wow, did we have fun as a swim family.

2)      Don’t get caught up in the anticipation of excellence.  One of son’s early swim coaches was an Olympic swimmer who told us that Joel had what it took to become an elite swimmer.  That was not a very good thing to say to a father who has a problem with hypercompetitiveness!  It caused me to push Joel in ways that were unhealthy and, frankly, unkind.  I had visions of scholarships and Olympic medals dancing in my head.  How foolish I was to fail my son by trying to force my dream upon him.  Of course, parents should encourage their children to do their best, but you must lay off the obsession.

Another way that this happens is in the use of “nutritional supplements.”  One of my sons was on a training regimen which utilized supplements, and he was really seeing progress.  After looking at the supplement, I observed that it contained creatine, which some research indicates can cause medical problems.[1]  The only ethical approach that a parent can take is to keep dangerous chemicals from their minor children, even if that means that the child’s performance suffers for it.

Esteem your child’s coaches, even if they are poor coaches.  If they are ungodly and evil, then do not have your child participate.  However, if you are caught up in the dream of your child’s excellence, and your child’s coach does not share your dream, do not get angry at the coach.  Chances are, God has placed that coach in your life to destroy the idol that you are making.  You ought to thank God for that “incompetent” coach that you think knows so little.  He or she is there by God’s design to help you see what truly matters.

3)      Keep focused on our true mission as believers.  It is so easy to think, talk, and live the wins and losses.  It is so easy to analyze the details and nuances of the game.  But it is hard to keep focused on the glory of God.  It is hard to stay missional, thinking about how to win coaches, teammates and opponents to Christ.  One way that I thought about this was to ask myself the question, “What do I celebrate or encourage?”  Is it the sport event itself, or is it the character that I see developing in my son?

Another way that we tried to stay missional was to have the swim team over to our house for meals.  Our sons always led the team in prayer for the meal.  We always had a great time.  Carol made this special bread that the young men absolutely loved.  This emphasis on mission showed itself quite dramatically.  I remember watching our relay team from high in the stands at the state swim meet bow their heads in prayer by the starting blocks and see my son lead them in prayer just before the race.  How the team performed just does not register as important as the spiritual leadership that I witnessed in my son.

4)      Your child’s sport is less important than you think.  I wish that I could talk to my younger self and tell myself this.  Fortunately, as each child progressed in sports, I did get better at gaining perspective.  I know that parents think that they will be depriving their child of some great opportunity if they don’t give their child every chance to grow and compete in the sport.  This has become an obsession in America, and it is affecting spiritual growth.  When travel teams and all-star teams take up weekend after weekend, when Sunday after Sunday is devoted to sports instead of worship with believers at church, when life revolves around your child’s sports, you have things out of proportion.  With each of my sons, we became less obsessed, and our family was better for it.  Interestingly, the enjoyment factor was the same if not better, and the third son was as athletically blessed as the first one was.  My guess is that if you are an athletically obsessed family, you will ignore my concern here, but I pray that you do not.  You will look back and wish that you had not worshiped at the altar of sports.

5)      You are the spiritual leader of your child. Act like it.  There is a wonderful blog about families and sports by a father and son called “Mahaney Sports”.[2]  Here is what they write: Our children will pursue what we applaud. They will emulate what we celebrate. If we celebrate scoring and winning, our children will define success in these terms. But if we celebrate evidences of godly character in our children, we will help them define success more biblically.

Sadly, if we don’t lead our children, they may devote massive amounts of time to sports but fail to grow in godly character. We should celebrate qualities like humility, diligence, self-control, and perseverance in our children, whether they win or lose. Parents, you will be the difference makers here.

So what do you encourage before a game? What do you celebrate after a game? Is it the spectacular plays? the score? the win? the stats? Or do you celebrate the displays of godliness by your child on the field?

If you and your family consistently miss your church’s gatherings, you forfeit far more than you may realize. You forfeit the nearness of God that is experienced when the church gathers to worship him corporately. You forfeit an opportunity to hear from God through the preaching of his Word. You forfeit experiencing the countless gifts that God has distributed in the people around you. And you forfeit learning from the models of humility and servanthood that you find in the church. You don’t want to give these up easily. You want to fight to maintain these priorities in your life and your family!

On the Last Day, when each of us gives account to God, you’ll have no regrets about investing your family’s time in your local church. 

Finally, here are some questions that will help you apply biblical principles to your child’s participation in sports.  These also come from the Mahaney Sports blog.

·         After a game, what are you more likely to celebrate: athletic skill and victories, or the display of godly character in your child’s life?

·         What is one way your child currently displays godly character, and how can you encourage him or her?

·         What is one way your child could grow in godly character, and how can you encourage him or her to grow in this area?

·         Are there ways that sports distract you from your family? In what ways can you use sports to build your family together?

·         If someone were to study your life, which would they say you are more passionate about: playing and watching sports, or the Savior?

·         Is your family devoting so much time to sports that it hinders your involvement and service in your local church? If so, what are some changes that you can consider for the future?

·         Before your child’s next practice or game, take time to pray with him or her and to thank God for all the benefits of sports. Remind your child that sports are a gift from God, the giver of all good gifts.

As a big sports fan and a big fan of my boys, I didn’t always get things right on these matters.  I am hoping that both my mistakes and the lessons that I have learned will help you on the road to discipling your children to be great warriors for Jesus Christ.  You will not get a second chance at raising your children in the training and instruction of the Lord.  Use sports as a tool of discipleship, not as an idol to worship, and your children will rise up and call you blessed.

Satisfied in Christ,

Pastor Scott

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[1] I do not intend to debate whether or not it is okay to use supplements containing creatine.  You might come to a different conclusion.  The point here is that once having reached the conclusion that it was not okay for us to use it, it would have been unethical as a parent to continue to allow it.  After presenting my research to our swim coach, he agreed with me and withdrew the entire team from the use of the supplement.  I really respected our coach for this decision, as creatine is proven to enhance performance.

[2] You can read their blog at: http://www.mahaneysports.com/blog/

What does a text mean?

These days, when one asks the question, “What does a text mean?” one is generally trying to figure out some cryptic phone text message.  Indeed, google this question, and all sorts of websites pop up offering help at deciphering text message abbreviations.  However, that is not what I intend by the question.  I am asking, “When one encounters any written text, how does one go about trying to figure out what that text means?”

There is more here than meets the eye.  At first glance, it would seem that a simple reading of the text, understanding the vocabulary and syntax, would unveil the meaning.  However, lots of things get in the way of this simple approach.  Consider, for example, if your mother sent you this note:

“Meet me after school at the trunk.”

Does she mean to meet her at the trunk of a well-known tree?  At the trunk line of the commuter rail station? At a local restaurant named, “The Trunk”? At an oversized suitcase which for some reason is prominent in the school yard?  At the rear of her car? (and this is ignoring the obviously bizarre ideas of an elephant’s trunk or the central portion of a human body)

In fact, the context, the history, the vocabulary, the geography, the grammar, and the structure would all inform us about the meaning.  Knowing English, the semantic range of the word, “trunk,” and the basic grammar of imperative sentences go some distance in helping us.  However, knowing the author, the local context and history, the geography of the area would all be critically important in solidifying and narrowing that meaning so that one actually meets mother at the place intended.

BUT here is something important—note that we did not for one second in this exercise consider that the meaning would be defined by the recipient.  We did not say to ourselves, “It does not matter what mother intended by this sentence.  What I myself intend by it is most important.”  Instead, we instinctively understood that the meaning is defined by the author.  In other words, our text means only what its author intended it to mean, nothing more and nothing less.  The precise meaning of a text is always what the author intends, not what the recipient wishes it to mean.

Hmm, perhaps interpreters of texts like the Constitution and the Bible would do well to employ similar instinct.

(This article first appeared in "The Pantagraph" newspaper on August 1, 2015)

The Brave New World of Equality

It should not be news that the outcomes of success for children do in fact depend a lot on the family.  However, one sociologist that has been studying this has come to some startling conclusions.  Adam Swift, who has taught at such prestigious institutions as Harvard, MIT, and Wisconsin-Madison, has studied this issue of success of children who have parents who care for them in such ways as reading bedtime stories, providing private school education, and having functioning family interactions.  As he has compared the success of children with these advantages to the failures of children who do not, he has come to an interesting conclusion:  We should not give these advantages to any child lest we unfairly tilt the playing board of success in that child’s favor.  To do so would be discriminating against a child who does not have such a family.

 

Keep in mind that Adam Swift is not a fringe guy; he is well respected in the academic community.  Swift only grudgingly accepts parents reading bedtime stories to their children, while acknowledging that that act puts those children at a distinct and unfair advantage.  Here is how he puts it: “I don’t think parents reading their children bedtime stories should constantly have in their minds the way that they are unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children, but I think they should have that thought occasionally.”[1]  He actually believes that by being kind to one’s own children, we are “unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children”!

This conclusion is the result of thinking that children are not the stewardship of parents, but of the state.  So what does one do with the fact that different families provide different opportunities to different children?  Here again is Swift:   “One way philosophers might think about solving the social justice problem would be by simply abolishing the family. If the family is this source of unfairness in society then it looks plausible to think that if we abolished the family there would be a more level playing field.”[2]

What an insane way to deal with inequity!  What we need to do to for all children because some children are deprived of healthy families is to make all families deprived.  If all are miserable, that is equitable.  More misery is better than some thriving.  Such is the new definition of equality.

In Swift’s grandiose utopia, he and his colleagues decide what features of healthy family life need to be eliminated in order to create a more level playing field.  Here is how he says that, “What we realised we needed was a way of thinking about what it was we wanted to allow parents to do for their children, and what it was that we didn’t need to allow parents to do for their children, if allowing those activities would create unfairnesses for other people’s children.”[3]

 According to Swift, private education should be outlawed as inherently discriminatory.  “Private schooling cannot be justified by appeal to these familial relationship goods. It’s just not the case that in order for a family to realise these intimate, loving, authoritative, affectionate, love-based relationships you need to be able to send your child to an elite private school.”  “Equality” is now defined as such a societal good that we must, by force of law, prohibit even good and loving actions because there are some children who do not receive those actions and that means unfairness.

In the debate over same sex marriage, many traditional marriage advocates have said that once marriage is no longer defined as being between one man and one woman, there is nothing substantial that prohibits marriage from being further redefined as involving more than two people.  If marriage is not confined by gender, why should it be confined by number?  Swift’s view of multiple parents reveals once again that the slippery slope that traditional marriage advocates fear is in fact quite real.   “Nothing in our theory assumes two parents: there might be two, there might be three, and there might be four,” says Swift[4]. In a stunning leap of logic however, he does limit his understanding of the number of parents . . . to ten!!  “We do want to defend the family against complete fragmentation and dissolution,” he says. “If you start to think about a child having 10 parents, then that’s looking like a committee rearing a child; there aren’t any parents there at all.” It seems of little comfort that Swift wants to defend the family against complete fragmentation and dissolution when in fact that is precisely what he advocates . . . at least to the point of 10 parents.

How is it even possible to propose this nonsense??  It comes once we loose the moorings of society from moral absolutes and in particular in Western civilization from Biblical moral absolutes.  Without absolutes, we become captive to the tyranny of “fairness,” “equality,” and “level playing fields.”  But those terms no longer mean what they used to mean.  Now, they mean that we must provide exactly the same opportunities for all children or we withhold those opportunities from all children.  Beyond the impossibility of accomplishing this utopian nightmare, consider that the parents which provide the most nurturing environments for their children will, under this crazy scheme, be considered most discriminatory and evil.

God’s answer, of course, to the problem of family heartache and dysfunction is quite different.  Swift’s “gospel” or good news seems to be, “Let’s make certain that everyone is equally miserable.”  God’s Gospel promises that repentance and faith in Christ can redeem us from under the curse of sin because Jesus Christ took the curse for us (Galatians 3:13).  God’s Gospel promises that restoration is possible (Joel 2:25).  God’s Gospel promises that even those aspects of life where there are lifelong consequences for sin and neglect can be redeemed for His glory (Genesis 50:20).  God’s Gospel says that anyone, no matter how deprived or advantaged by one’s family, can be a child and servant of the Living God (2 Corinthians 5:17).  God’s Gospel provides the framework where generations of sin can be halted and a new paradigm of family living can take root (Ephesians 6:1-4).  And this Gospel saves completely, not just for thriving in this life but for all eternity (John 3:16).

The world is becoming a scary place, but praise God, the Gospel shines even more radiantly as the darkness deepens.

May the Lord bless our families for His glory with a deepening love for Christ and the Gospel,

Scott Boerckel

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[1] http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/philosopherszone/new-family-values/6437058

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.