I love sports. Like
most parents, I wanted my children to enjoy sports too. Given our society’s focus on sports, I
thought that it might be appropriate to share some lessons that Carol and I
learned about having a godly family and being a sports family. Some of our lessons were learned by making
mistakes; some by observing the good example of others; some by our application
of scripture; some by our failure to apply scripture.
Here are, in no particular order, some lessons that we
learned:
1)
Allow
your children to develop their own loves.
I loved basketball. None of my
boys did. I never learned to swim very
well until I took a PE course in college.
Each of my boys were great swimmers.
That could have been difficult if I had taken some hard line that my
sons would enjoy what I enjoy. Instead,
I learned to subordinate my wish/dream to their interests (see Philippians
2:4). And, wow, did we have fun as a
swim family.
2)
Don’t get
caught up in the anticipation of excellence. One of son’s early swim coaches was an
Olympic swimmer who told us that Joel had what it took to become an elite
swimmer. That was not a very good thing
to say to a father who has a problem with hypercompetitiveness! It caused me to push Joel in ways that were unhealthy
and, frankly, unkind. I had visions of
scholarships and Olympic medals dancing in my head. How foolish I was to fail my son by trying to
force my dream upon him. Of course,
parents should encourage their children to do their best, but you must lay off
the obsession.
Another way that this happens is in the use
of “nutritional supplements.”
One of my
sons was on a training regimen which utilized supplements, and he was really
seeing progress.
After looking at the
supplement, I observed that it contained creatine, which some research
indicates can cause medical problems.
The only ethical approach that a parent can
take is to keep dangerous chemicals from their minor children, even if that
means that the child’s performance suffers for it.
Esteem your child’s coaches, even if they
are poor coaches. If they are ungodly
and evil, then do not have your child participate. However, if you are caught up in the dream of
your child’s excellence, and your child’s coach does not share your dream, do
not get angry at the coach. Chances are,
God has placed that coach in your life to destroy the idol that you are
making. You ought to thank God for that
“incompetent” coach that you think knows so little. He or she is there by God’s design to help
you see what truly matters.
3) Keep focused on our true mission as
believers. It is so easy to think,
talk, and live the wins and losses. It
is so easy to analyze the details and nuances of the game. But it is hard to keep focused on the glory
of God. It is hard to stay missional,
thinking about how to win coaches, teammates and opponents to Christ. One way that I thought about this was to ask
myself the question, “What do I celebrate or encourage?” Is it the sport event itself, or is it the
character that I see developing in my son?
Another way that we tried to stay missional
was to have the swim team over to our house for meals. Our sons always led the team in prayer for
the meal. We always had a great
time. Carol made this special bread that
the young men absolutely loved. This
emphasis on mission showed itself quite dramatically. I remember watching our relay team from high
in the stands at the state swim meet bow their heads in prayer by the starting
blocks and see my son lead them in prayer just before the race. How the team performed just does not register
as important as the spiritual leadership that I witnessed in my son.
4) Your child’s sport is less important than
you think. I wish that I could talk
to my younger self and tell myself this.
Fortunately, as each child progressed in sports, I did get better at
gaining perspective. I know that parents
think that they will be depriving their child of some great opportunity if they
don’t give their child every chance to grow and compete in the sport. This has become an obsession in America, and
it is affecting spiritual growth. When travel
teams and all-star teams take up weekend after weekend, when Sunday after
Sunday is devoted to sports instead of worship with believers at church, when
life revolves around your child’s sports, you have things out of
proportion. With each of my sons, we
became less obsessed, and our family was better for it. Interestingly, the enjoyment factor was the
same if not better, and the third son was as athletically blessed as the first
one was. My guess is that if you are an
athletically obsessed family, you will ignore my concern here, but I pray that
you do not. You will look back and wish
that you had not worshiped at the altar of sports.
5) You are the spiritual leader of your child.
Act like it. There is a wonderful blog about families
and sports by a father and son called “Mahaney Sports”.
Here is what they write:
Our children will pursue what we applaud. They will emulate what we
celebrate. If we celebrate scoring and winning, our children will define
success in these terms. But if we celebrate evidences of godly character in our
children, we will help them define success more biblically.
Sadly,
if we don’t lead our children, they may devote massive amounts of time to
sports but fail to grow in godly character. We should celebrate qualities like
humility, diligence, self-control, and perseverance in our children, whether
they win or lose. Parents, you will be the difference makers here.
So
what do you encourage before a game? What do you celebrate after a game? Is it
the spectacular plays? the score? the win? the stats? Or do you celebrate the
displays of godliness by your child on the field?
If
you and your family consistently miss your church’s gatherings, you forfeit far
more than you may realize. You forfeit the nearness of God that is experienced
when the church gathers to worship him corporately. You forfeit an opportunity
to hear from God through the preaching of his Word. You forfeit experiencing
the countless gifts that God has distributed in the people around you. And you
forfeit learning from the models of humility and servanthood that you find in
the church. You don’t want to give these up easily. You want to fight to
maintain these priorities in your life and your family!
On
the Last Day, when each of us gives account to God, you’ll have no regrets
about investing your family’s time in your local church.
Finally,
here are some questions that will help you apply biblical principles to your
child’s participation in sports. These
also come from the Mahaney Sports blog.
·
After a game, what are you more likely to
celebrate: athletic skill and victories, or the display of godly character in
your child’s life?
·
What is one way your child currently displays
godly character, and how can you encourage him or her?
·
What is one way your child could grow in godly
character, and how can you encourage him or her to grow in this area?
·
Are there ways that sports distract you from
your family? In what ways can you use sports to build your family together?
·
If someone were to study your life, which would
they say you are more passionate about: playing and watching sports, or the
Savior?
·
Is your family devoting so much time to sports
that it hinders your involvement and service in your local church? If so, what
are some changes that you can consider for the future?
·
Before your child’s next practice or game, take
time to pray with him or her and to thank God for all the benefits of sports.
Remind your child that sports are a gift from God, the giver of all good gifts.
As a big sports fan and a big fan of my
boys, I didn’t always get things right on these matters. I am hoping that both my mistakes and the
lessons that I have learned will help you on the road to discipling your
children to be great warriors for Jesus Christ.
You will not get a second chance at raising your children in the
training and instruction of the Lord.
Use sports as a tool of discipleship, not as an idol to worship, and your
children will rise up and call you blessed.
Satisfied in Christ,
Pastor Scott
